New Year, New You?

For the past two years I have started off the new year by putting some time and thought into what I want and what I hope the new year has in store for me and bringing those thoughts/hopes/dreams to life on a vision board. Yes, it is very Oprah and "The Secret" but I'm telling you it works. Each year I've accomplished things or enriched my life for the better because I set my mind to it AND kept those thoughts/hopes/dreams in front of me every single day as a reminder.

Want to give it a try? Here is my approach.

1) Reflect and Evaluate.
Spend some time reflecting on the past year and ask yourself a few things: What are you proud of? What was fun? What was missing? What would have made it better?

2) Make a List.
Just start writing down words, thoughts, events, etc. that come to your mind when you think about how you want to live your life. It can be as specific as "Complete a Triathlon" or "Volunteer at a Women’s Shelter”, just a way of living such as "Inspired”, how you want to feel “Sexy” or “Confident” or just a desire that you need to put out in the universe like “Love”. Not everything has to be a tangible accomplishment.

3) Collect Magazines.
I take it old school with some scissors and hodge podge glue and flip through magazines and cut out words that align with my list. I just saving old In Styles, Women's Health, People, etc. You can also use pictures – maybe a picture of a gorgeous beach to inspire you to take that vacation you have been putting off for the past three years or a bikini ready body to remind you to get in the gym.

4) Live.
Once complete, my vision board typically hangs on the bottom half of my refrigerator. It isn’t the focal point and probably goes unnoticed by visitors but I know what it is and see it every single day. At the end of the year it is pretty amazing to look back and “check off” all the things on your board that you have accomplished. Some may get bumped another year and some you can’t control but it feels good knowing you tried to live your best life and sets the stage to do it all over again in the new year.

I encourage everyone to do this in one way or another. Some keep a journal, some make a list, some hang pictures on a bulletin board. Whatever works for you but the power of positive thinking can’t be denied. Reality is the mirror of your thoughts so choose well what you put in front of the mirror.  

If you are interested, here are some things I’ve accomplished the past three years via my vision board:

·         New Job (better $$, better title, better work)

·         Became Debt-Free

·         Ran a Marathon

·         Became a Self-Proclaimed Yogi (I had never done yoga before but now practice regularly)

·         Practice a Clean Diet (I still partake in beer and pizza of course but am now a lover of quinoa and kale)

·        Wrote a Blog (you’re welcome)

·        Moved (I upgraded to a bigger space that I can call my home, although I’m still a renter.   Haha)

·        Volunteer (I serve breakfast once a month at The Bridge downtown and have gotten involved in things like Relay for Life with the ACS)

·        Involved Dallasite (I’ve joined the Dallas Museum of Art Junior Associates and started a Bocce league with a friend)

·       Vacation (I have taken a REAL vacation every year and have been to Mexico and Napa twice, Asheville NC, Vegas and attended the Telluride Wine Festival)

A few items on my 2013 list are a Triathlon, Cooking Classes and Church in addition to continuing to give back, live a healthy life and be open to new people and new experiences.

New Year, New You. So, what do you want in 2013?

He Said..., She Said WTF!?!

Ladies, let's take some time to reflect on some of the more poignant things a man has said to us that are so ridiculous they warrant a blog post. This post is pure entertainment and has no silver lining or deeper meaning!

Although many are from personal experience, I have to thank my friends for sharing some of these as I have not been so lucky to have experienced them all first-hand.

Let's get together sometime
Yes, let’s. Eh hem, this is your cue to get my number, ask me out, Facebook friend me…SOMETHING! Honestly, what are we supposed to do with this statement?

We will definitely see each other again
Will we? Are you interested in portraying a real-life version of the Serendipity movie plot? Are you John Cusack or am I? Why are we chancing this to fate again?

I'm sorry I slept with you
Oh. My. God. First of all, I’m pretty sure you are not sorry about that. Perhaps you are sorry that you are ending things the morning after but you are not sorry you got laid. Honestly, just lock it up and go.

I'll call you later
An oldie but a goodie. It seems so direct and simple but as I and many of you know if we held our breath every time a man said this to us we would all be six feet under. Why say it if you don’t mean it? Apparently, they can’t just say “Goodbye” but are possessed to leave us hanging to make themselves feel better. Argh.

It was just drinks
Indeed it was, however, last I checked drinks is a date. Drinks with canoodling, a good night kiss and plans for a second date is most certainly a date. So that line isn’t going to work with me or your girlfriend that I was not aware of. Suck it.

I thought we were just drunk
So comforting, am I right ladies? So when we talked about really dating, when you kissed me for the first time and told me how much you liked me - we were just drunk!?!?! I wish I would have gotten that memo. Bright side: I guess I'm not free on Tuesday.

I think pretty highly of myself
Well, la-dee-freakin-da. Good for you. Typically, if this is a feeling that overwhelms you then you don’t have to verbalize it as we can CLEARLY tell. Thanks for the honesty I guess.

I'm not sure why we stopped talking
I am. I saw you holding hands with a girl a month after we stopped talking. I think it is pretty clear why we stopped talking. I hope she will enjoy all the trips you and I discussed taking.

I'm really busy with work right now
Translation: I'm lazy or I don't want to date you. Honestly, woman are "very busy with work" sometimes too but since we are the "better half" as they say we have superwoman powers that allow us to spin many plates at once and do it all. We rock.

I didn't mean to kiss you
Hmmmm. Well no one pushed you into my face or put a gun to your head so I’m not sure how to respond to this. You didn’t mean to walk me to my car, hold my hand, ask to see me again and then lean in and put your lips on mine? Repeatedly. You didn’t mean to?

I don't have the desire to be sweet, loving or romantic
If this isn’t clear as crystal I’m not sure what is. You may as well wear a t-shirt that says WANTED: F#@% BUDDY. No thanks.

Your Friends In Tiers

No, I didn't misspell the title of this post. But a post about your friends in "tears" could be very interesting I suppose. Hmmm. Anyhow, yes I meant tiers. As in tiers or levels of a cake. And yes I'm referring to your friends as those levels. Trust me it will make sense later.

My Mom once told me when I was very young that at the end of your life when you look back on it and the people in it you will most likely be able to count your true and lifelong friends on one hand. At grade school age this sounded ridiculous as I was still at the stage where my best friend changed daily and every girl in my class was invited to my birthday party. But as I got older I started to understand what she meant. She wasn't saying that I wouldn't have many, many friends throughout my life or that I was going to die alone or anything but she was simply saying that there will be few who are there through it all and who are the type of friend you can count on no matter what and trust beyond a doubt.

Fast forward to my early 20's. I had just gotten out of a tumultuous, ridiculously dramatic, verbally abusive, horrible relationship. Problem was that our relationship was in the center of our huge group of friends. Even though our said friends were behind me 100% in terms of our breakup - telling me I deserved better, he was crazy, etc. when the you-know-what hit the fan and it was really over they expected me to act as if nothing was wrong and continue hanging out as usual. This was incredibly difficult at the time because for the past year I had been with my boyfriend and our mutual friends almost every single day. We did everything together - camping trips, Friday nights at the bar, Sunday football watching, sports leagues, birthdays, etc. So, with the demise of my relationship came a choice I had to make - my friends or me. I had not seen this coming.

Fast forward another year or so to my counselors office during one of our sessions (FYI I’m a huge proponent of therapy. Try it). I had recently decided to go back to her after trying to get over this insane breakup for almost a year to no avail. For the most part, I had left behind the majority of those so-called mutual friends as I had to choose myself and they weren't willing to split time between the two of us and stand by me as a friend. As I discussed this with my counselor, we came up with a theory that changed my life and that I have shared with many friends since.

Introducing the Cake Tier Theory of Friendship. When you think about all of the people in your life, they most likely play different roles. You may have the fun friend that plans exciting and fun adventures for you and your friends and who you can always count on for a good time. You probably have your wise friend who always seems to know what to say and gives you great advice no matter what the issue. Then you might have a thoughtful friend - who sends you cards or gifts not just on your birthday but when they saw something that reminded them of you. And some friends might wear all of these hats at once. You probably have a lot of friends who you see regularly but it is usually in a group setting and you probably wouldn't necessarily call them in a time of need. Point is - there are several definitions of the word "friend" and as you and your friends move through life, circumstances and people change, so each friends role might change as well. If you think of all those definitions and categories of friends, consider them tiers of a cake. At any given time in your life, you may only have 1-2 people in the top tier. Those are the closest to you, they know you the best, you would call them in a heartbeat with good or bad news, you can count on them, trust them and they would literally do anything for you. Your other friends are dispersed in other tiers and represent different levels of friendship to you at the time. Now, placement in a certain tier isn't a tatoo on your friends forehead for all eternity as people can move up and down the tiers over the years. And keep in mind the reversal. You play a role in each of your friends lives as well and there is no way you could possibly be a Top Tier friend to EVERY single person in your life. Not possible. So, the point is there is nothing wrong with people not in the top tier. You can't be everything to everyone!

The main reason this was so helpful to me is it helped me manage expectations of others and avoid constant disappointment when a friend made a decision or choice I didn't understand or agree with. If you appropriately categorize and accept the role a particular friend plays in your life then you know them and love them as they are and you won't expect things from them that they can't give you. If you have a friend who you adore and love dearly but they are flakey as hell and cancel on you at least three times before you finally get together - so be it! But if you held them to the standards of your clock-watching punctual friend you would be devastated and angry with each cancellation. Point is, since you know what to expect you can brush it off and know that it is nothing personal but just the way they are and you can love them anyway. Does every single one of your friends text or call you on your birthday? Probably not. Some friends are GREAT at birthdays but others don't have a calendar or Facebook and couldn't tell you the date if they had a gun to their head. So, who cares.

Remember the flip side, could you remember everything and every moment in the life of every person you call a friend? No way! So, love yourself and your friends for who they are! Each of us plays a special part in each other’s lives that may last three months, three years or three decades.