Jessica vs.Triathlon

As you may have seen in my New Year, New You post, I like to task myself every year to try new things, grow personally and professionally, and typically challenge myself in some way physically. This year for my Physical Challenge (Double Dare anyone?), I chose a Triathlon. Now, let me preface this by saying that a Triathlon is comprised of three sports: running, swimming and cycling. I am indeed a runner but am an absolute novice when it comes to the other two. Therefore, this has proven to be and will continue to be a challenge. That’s what I signed up for, right?

Time, Money and Food!

First of all, it is a MAJOR time suck. Don’t get me wrong, it is exciting and I’m learning something new every day and challenging myself physically and I’m loving it BUT training for three sports takes A LOT more time than for just one sport. My training schedule includes workouts 6 days a week (marathon was like 4) and biking and swimming take a bit more planning and time in general as just heading outside for a run. Not to mention 2-3 hour long workouts every Saturday morning. Here is some insight into my last two Saturday practices. Started with 3 mile run in the butt ass cold then immediately into hill sprints, what it sounds like, sprinting up and a down a hill over and over again with a coach yelling at you to work your arms and get your legs up, then to the Rec center for core work and yoga and THEN into the pool for 45 minutes. Last week we again ran 3 miles in the butt ass cold and then hopped on the bike for a 15 mile ride. It is a lot people. Basically, my life is completely centered around when I can fit in a workout. It’s just a few of months so I keep telling myself I can do it!

It is also pricey as hell – swimsuit, cap, goggles, hand paddles, swimming lessons (yes, more on this later), bike helmet, bike shorts, bike tune up, bike shoes, more dry fit leggings/shirts, a Tri bag (yes, this sport requires its own special bag because you have so much crap to carry around for the big practices) and other various things are breaking my bank!

You must also consider your daily caloric intake and your diet in general when you start training for something like a marathon or triathlon. It is a difficult balance as although many might think you are working out so much you will lose weight when you are working out that much you are hungry as hell all the time so you have to find the right balance of eating for fuel and recovery but eating the RIGHT things and not giving yourself free reign to eat everything in sight just because you worked out that day. Your body is also reacting, changing and building muscle so contrary to popular belief not all marathoners or triathletes are skinny!

Swimming

Swimming is my current nemesis as we base lined at my first practice in the pool and turns out I suck. Haha. I was expecting this because knowing how to swim and actually SWIMMING or racing are two different things but it was still a blow to the ego. We were supposed to do 30 laps, which is the same distance as an Olympic Triathlon swim (see details below) and after 5 laps my coach told me to just do 10 today (Sprint Triathlon distance) as I could barely even swim one length of the pool without coming up for air and dying. Honestly, there are so many moving parts to swimming – breathing rhythm, stroke mechanics, balance and body roll, kick with your butt not your legs, keep your head down but your butt up, blah blah blah. Plus, it is a sport that you move with, not against, so my natural tendency to pound it out or muscle my way to success does NOT work so I’m having to change my typical approach and relax and let go. For those of you who know me and especially the athlete side of me this is not easy. Another challenge I suppose! Anyway, due to my suckiness in the pool I am having to do individual sessions with my Tri-coach and signed up for private lessons with an actual swim teacher! And let’s not forget about the incredibly sexy high leg, one piece Nike swimsuit that flattens my boobs like a 10 year old boy and the high cut leg style makes me feel like I’m a Victoria’s Secret bathing suit model in 1984. Warning: you must surrender your pride and all things sexy if you decide to train for a Triathlon.

Cycling

I also learned quickly that although I know how to ride a bike, riding a road bike is another story. I didn’t even know where to put my hands and had to look up on the internet which way my helmet went. The first two times I took out  my bike (which I borrowed from a friend – Thanks Nancy!) I thought I was a total idiot and didn’t know how to work the gears but turns out they were broken! Haha. Total loser. Spin class was a helpful introduction to practice form and get comfortable with the upper body lean that you do when on a road bike and the guys at Richardson Bike Mart were AMAZING at giving me a quick tutorial after fitting me to my bike. It seems I still have alot to learn though in terms of dealing with flats and changing tires - yikes!  And the only thing sexier than my high cut leg, flat chested one piece swimsuit are my super sexy padded crotch bike shorts. But trust me, my lady business would not be happy without them so I happily obliged. So, I actually really enjoyed my first long practice ride and am getting comfortable and learning my preferences for gear shifting, etc. Right now I’m still in running shoes that fit into my pedals but I may upgrade to cycling shoes and clips which allow you to have more control, power and speed on your bike. But they scare me because you are “clipped” in and I foresee many falls in my future with that plan.  I actually did fall during the first ride, but of course not while moving, just while standing there. We were pulled off waiting on the rest of the group and I had one shoe fit into my pedal and one out and all of a sudden – whoa, whoa, WHOA , TIMBER. And I went down. Typical Jess.

Running

Obviously, I have this one down but the different is that my body has been trained to run long distances so my natural pace is a little slower as I had to ensure I could sustain 13.1 or 26.2 miles at it. But with the Tri’s, I’ll either be doing a 5k or a 10k and could definitely speed up my pace and help improve my time. So, another modification I’ll be making to my natural tendency so I can speed things up. My hip should allow for these shorter distances (for those of you who don’t know I stress fractured my hip two summers ago while training for a half marathon and although apparently healed it hasn’t quite been the same) so I’m hoping my body will survive.

The Race

My race is the TexasMan Triathlon in Valley View Texas (north of Denton) on May 5^th. The swim will determine if I do a Sprint distance (500yd swim, 16 mile bike, and 5k) or an Olympic distance (1500m swim, 24.1 mile bike, and 10k) triathlon. Technically the training for both is the same. Moral of the story is I will be in the best shape of my life after this and I better have a rockin’ body! My luck though I’ll just bulk up like a damn man. Haha.

I am training with Team In Training, an organization that benefits the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. Each team member is required to fundraise for LLS so I would appreciate your support in the form of a donation on my behalf to LLS as your money will go towards research for cures for these terrible blood diseases and helping to improve the quality of life of patients and their families. Click here to access my fundraising page and donate now! Thank you in advance for your generosity!

New Year, New You?

For the past two years I have started off the new year by putting some time and thought into what I want and what I hope the new year has in store for me and bringing those thoughts/hopes/dreams to life on a vision board. Yes, it is very Oprah and "The Secret" but I'm telling you it works. Each year I've accomplished things or enriched my life for the better because I set my mind to it AND kept those thoughts/hopes/dreams in front of me every single day as a reminder.

Want to give it a try? Here is my approach.

1) Reflect and Evaluate.
Spend some time reflecting on the past year and ask yourself a few things: What are you proud of? What was fun? What was missing? What would have made it better?

2) Make a List.
Just start writing down words, thoughts, events, etc. that come to your mind when you think about how you want to live your life. It can be as specific as "Complete a Triathlon" or "Volunteer at a Women’s Shelter”, just a way of living such as "Inspired”, how you want to feel “Sexy” or “Confident” or just a desire that you need to put out in the universe like “Love”. Not everything has to be a tangible accomplishment.

3) Collect Magazines.
I take it old school with some scissors and hodge podge glue and flip through magazines and cut out words that align with my list. I just saving old In Styles, Women's Health, People, etc. You can also use pictures – maybe a picture of a gorgeous beach to inspire you to take that vacation you have been putting off for the past three years or a bikini ready body to remind you to get in the gym.

4) Live.
Once complete, my vision board typically hangs on the bottom half of my refrigerator. It isn’t the focal point and probably goes unnoticed by visitors but I know what it is and see it every single day. At the end of the year it is pretty amazing to look back and “check off” all the things on your board that you have accomplished. Some may get bumped another year and some you can’t control but it feels good knowing you tried to live your best life and sets the stage to do it all over again in the new year.

I encourage everyone to do this in one way or another. Some keep a journal, some make a list, some hang pictures on a bulletin board. Whatever works for you but the power of positive thinking can’t be denied. Reality is the mirror of your thoughts so choose well what you put in front of the mirror.  

If you are interested, here are some things I’ve accomplished the past three years via my vision board:

·         New Job (better $$, better title, better work)

·         Became Debt-Free

·         Ran a Marathon

·         Became a Self-Proclaimed Yogi (I had never done yoga before but now practice regularly)

·         Practice a Clean Diet (I still partake in beer and pizza of course but am now a lover of quinoa and kale)

·        Wrote a Blog (you’re welcome)

·        Moved (I upgraded to a bigger space that I can call my home, although I’m still a renter.   Haha)

·        Volunteer (I serve breakfast once a month at The Bridge downtown and have gotten involved in things like Relay for Life with the ACS)

·        Involved Dallasite (I’ve joined the Dallas Museum of Art Junior Associates and started a Bocce league with a friend)

·       Vacation (I have taken a REAL vacation every year and have been to Mexico and Napa twice, Asheville NC, Vegas and attended the Telluride Wine Festival)

A few items on my 2013 list are a Triathlon, Cooking Classes and Church in addition to continuing to give back, live a healthy life and be open to new people and new experiences.

New Year, New You. So, what do you want in 2013?

He Said..., She Said WTF!?!

Ladies, let's take some time to reflect on some of the more poignant things a man has said to us that are so ridiculous they warrant a blog post. This post is pure entertainment and has no silver lining or deeper meaning!

Although many are from personal experience, I have to thank my friends for sharing some of these as I have not been so lucky to have experienced them all first-hand.

Let's get together sometime
Yes, let’s. Eh hem, this is your cue to get my number, ask me out, Facebook friend me…SOMETHING! Honestly, what are we supposed to do with this statement?

We will definitely see each other again
Will we? Are you interested in portraying a real-life version of the Serendipity movie plot? Are you John Cusack or am I? Why are we chancing this to fate again?

I'm sorry I slept with you
Oh. My. God. First of all, I’m pretty sure you are not sorry about that. Perhaps you are sorry that you are ending things the morning after but you are not sorry you got laid. Honestly, just lock it up and go.

I'll call you later
An oldie but a goodie. It seems so direct and simple but as I and many of you know if we held our breath every time a man said this to us we would all be six feet under. Why say it if you don’t mean it? Apparently, they can’t just say “Goodbye” but are possessed to leave us hanging to make themselves feel better. Argh.

It was just drinks
Indeed it was, however, last I checked drinks is a date. Drinks with canoodling, a good night kiss and plans for a second date is most certainly a date. So that line isn’t going to work with me or your girlfriend that I was not aware of. Suck it.

I thought we were just drunk
So comforting, am I right ladies? So when we talked about really dating, when you kissed me for the first time and told me how much you liked me - we were just drunk!?!?! I wish I would have gotten that memo. Bright side: I guess I'm not free on Tuesday.

I think pretty highly of myself
Well, la-dee-freakin-da. Good for you. Typically, if this is a feeling that overwhelms you then you don’t have to verbalize it as we can CLEARLY tell. Thanks for the honesty I guess.

I'm not sure why we stopped talking
I am. I saw you holding hands with a girl a month after we stopped talking. I think it is pretty clear why we stopped talking. I hope she will enjoy all the trips you and I discussed taking.

I'm really busy with work right now
Translation: I'm lazy or I don't want to date you. Honestly, woman are "very busy with work" sometimes too but since we are the "better half" as they say we have superwoman powers that allow us to spin many plates at once and do it all. We rock.

I didn't mean to kiss you
Hmmmm. Well no one pushed you into my face or put a gun to your head so I’m not sure how to respond to this. You didn’t mean to walk me to my car, hold my hand, ask to see me again and then lean in and put your lips on mine? Repeatedly. You didn’t mean to?

I don't have the desire to be sweet, loving or romantic
If this isn’t clear as crystal I’m not sure what is. You may as well wear a t-shirt that says WANTED: F#@% BUDDY. No thanks.

Your Friends In Tiers

No, I didn't misspell the title of this post. But a post about your friends in "tears" could be very interesting I suppose. Hmmm. Anyhow, yes I meant tiers. As in tiers or levels of a cake. And yes I'm referring to your friends as those levels. Trust me it will make sense later.

My Mom once told me when I was very young that at the end of your life when you look back on it and the people in it you will most likely be able to count your true and lifelong friends on one hand. At grade school age this sounded ridiculous as I was still at the stage where my best friend changed daily and every girl in my class was invited to my birthday party. But as I got older I started to understand what she meant. She wasn't saying that I wouldn't have many, many friends throughout my life or that I was going to die alone or anything but she was simply saying that there will be few who are there through it all and who are the type of friend you can count on no matter what and trust beyond a doubt.

Fast forward to my early 20's. I had just gotten out of a tumultuous, ridiculously dramatic, verbally abusive, horrible relationship. Problem was that our relationship was in the center of our huge group of friends. Even though our said friends were behind me 100% in terms of our breakup - telling me I deserved better, he was crazy, etc. when the you-know-what hit the fan and it was really over they expected me to act as if nothing was wrong and continue hanging out as usual. This was incredibly difficult at the time because for the past year I had been with my boyfriend and our mutual friends almost every single day. We did everything together - camping trips, Friday nights at the bar, Sunday football watching, sports leagues, birthdays, etc. So, with the demise of my relationship came a choice I had to make - my friends or me. I had not seen this coming.

Fast forward another year or so to my counselors office during one of our sessions (FYI I’m a huge proponent of therapy. Try it). I had recently decided to go back to her after trying to get over this insane breakup for almost a year to no avail. For the most part, I had left behind the majority of those so-called mutual friends as I had to choose myself and they weren't willing to split time between the two of us and stand by me as a friend. As I discussed this with my counselor, we came up with a theory that changed my life and that I have shared with many friends since.

Introducing the Cake Tier Theory of Friendship. When you think about all of the people in your life, they most likely play different roles. You may have the fun friend that plans exciting and fun adventures for you and your friends and who you can always count on for a good time. You probably have your wise friend who always seems to know what to say and gives you great advice no matter what the issue. Then you might have a thoughtful friend - who sends you cards or gifts not just on your birthday but when they saw something that reminded them of you. And some friends might wear all of these hats at once. You probably have a lot of friends who you see regularly but it is usually in a group setting and you probably wouldn't necessarily call them in a time of need. Point is - there are several definitions of the word "friend" and as you and your friends move through life, circumstances and people change, so each friends role might change as well. If you think of all those definitions and categories of friends, consider them tiers of a cake. At any given time in your life, you may only have 1-2 people in the top tier. Those are the closest to you, they know you the best, you would call them in a heartbeat with good or bad news, you can count on them, trust them and they would literally do anything for you. Your other friends are dispersed in other tiers and represent different levels of friendship to you at the time. Now, placement in a certain tier isn't a tatoo on your friends forehead for all eternity as people can move up and down the tiers over the years. And keep in mind the reversal. You play a role in each of your friends lives as well and there is no way you could possibly be a Top Tier friend to EVERY single person in your life. Not possible. So, the point is there is nothing wrong with people not in the top tier. You can't be everything to everyone!

The main reason this was so helpful to me is it helped me manage expectations of others and avoid constant disappointment when a friend made a decision or choice I didn't understand or agree with. If you appropriately categorize and accept the role a particular friend plays in your life then you know them and love them as they are and you won't expect things from them that they can't give you. If you have a friend who you adore and love dearly but they are flakey as hell and cancel on you at least three times before you finally get together - so be it! But if you held them to the standards of your clock-watching punctual friend you would be devastated and angry with each cancellation. Point is, since you know what to expect you can brush it off and know that it is nothing personal but just the way they are and you can love them anyway. Does every single one of your friends text or call you on your birthday? Probably not. Some friends are GREAT at birthdays but others don't have a calendar or Facebook and couldn't tell you the date if they had a gun to their head. So, who cares.

Remember the flip side, could you remember everything and every moment in the life of every person you call a friend? No way! So, love yourself and your friends for who they are! Each of us plays a special part in each other’s lives that may last three months, three years or three decades.

Life Would Just Be Easier with a Boyfriend

To preface this story, this is the post-wedding single bridesmaid vent that I'm sure we have all done at some point. It is in no way meant to disrespect any of my wonderful, beautiful friends weddings that I have been SO very blessed to be a part of and would not trade for the world! Please know I am always honored to stand by a friend on her biggest day! And I know they will do the same for me one day! This wedding totally rocked by the way.

 

As many of my fellow ladies will agree, I've become quite skilled in the role of bridesmaid and celebrating others life choices (more on this later) but as I'm getting older I find the single pool at these functions to be shrinking by the minute. I had to recap a recent wedding I was in where it proved to be a weekend of reminders of how life would just be more simple with a boyfriend (please note the tongue and cheek humor of this blog title) so I just had to share.

• Even numbers are the norm. Yes, on Friday night at the rehearsal dinner I was forced to drag a chair across a crowded dining room and to pull up and squeeze myself into a spot for a four top to sit with two couples who took pity on me since there were no “odd” tables. I hope no one minded having a table leg in between their legs during dinner
• Having to tell the spray tan girl, nail girl, hair girls and makeup guy that "No, I was not married, did not have a boyfriend and would be attending the wedding alone".
• Why did the wedding planner/organizer put me with the shortest groomsman? Seriously? I was the second tallest girl in the wedding party and there were five boys over six feet tall but I get the 5’ 8” guy. WTF. Throw me a bone here!
• We were allowed to choose our own dresses and I ended up with the only one like mine (score!) and don't get me wrong it was really cute but my sister pointed out after the wedding that mine was by far the shortest of all the other girls (oops - point deducted). Great, not only am I the only single one but now apparently I've dressed like a hoochie mama. Add that to the list - hoochie mama bridesmaid. Geez.
• I was desperately begging my sister to please stay and not leave the wedding as I wouldn’t have anyone to dance with because she was my dance partner – haha. Actually, a lot of people danced so it was way fun but the Cavett sisters know how to break it down.
• Avoiding the bride's crazy aunt (love ya FeFe) who asked me at the shower if I was married and when I said no looked at me with disgust and asked if I was “at least going with someone”. I just didn’t have the heart to tell her no this time so I avoided her.
• Since I was the only “single” bridesmaid I could not have my boyfriend/husband drop me off Saturday morning to get ready so therefore I was the only one with a car so was then forced into having to take my car to the venue (which I did not want to do), move it from the venue after the wedding to the bar (which I really didn’t want to do especially since the bar is called “The Double Wide” and is actually a doublewide trailer turned into a bar and is in a really sketchy part of town), and leave it overnight where someone hoodlum thought it would be funny to let the air out of my tires which was a lovely surprise when my sister drove me to my car the following morning.
• Per the story above, since I had no boyfriend/husband to help with the aforementioned situation I was forced to be resourceful and looked up options on Auto Zone online, talked to a very nice man named Jose at the Auto Zone in the ghetto by the bar (where the aisle names and descriptions are listed in Spanish as well as English), and bought myself a tire air compressor and new tire valve caps and spent 30 minutes in the rain and mud pumping my tires back up. And turns out the hoodlum actually poked nails in my tires which caused me to spend two lovely afternoons that week at the local Discount Tire buying new tires. Silver lining - theboys at the tire shop were very nice and paid attention to me. haha.

 

In all honestly, I threw a pity party for myself on Thursday and Friday but Saturday was actually a great day and the wedding was SUPER fun. I did meet a single boy at the end of the wedding on the dance floor (who knew?) who was very fun and nice and we were up until 5am making out after the bar (PG ladies…I kept it classy…and by classy I mean that my hair extensions and fake eyelashes may have been falling off by the end of it all. No really, all clothes stayed on J). He actually texted me the next day to check if I needed a ride to my car - who said chivalry was gone!

Working 9 to 5: To My Fellow Working Women

I was recently promoted - new title, big salary bump, higher bonus percentage, the works! And I gotta tell you it feels good. But I gotta tell you something else. I didn't get it just because I'm super awesome at my job, and I am of course. I got it because I asked for it.

Lesson #1: Ask and You Shall Receive

Not always, but what is the harm in asking!?!?! Everyone knows that women typically make less money than men because they don't ask! Not because men are smarter, tougher or better but because they have the figurative balls to ask for what they want and deserve. Seriously, ladies. It is 2012 (almost 2013!) - the era of women asking for what they want and taking control of their own lives (in bed, at home and in the workplace!). You don't have to let your balls hang out of your skirt but you can be just as aggressive as a man and make your case for what you deserve. You can do it!

Lesson #2: Build Your Case

I've been doing this since my very first "real" job. Every "good job" or "thanks so much" email I receive from my boss, a coworker or client - I save in a special file. You never know when you might need back up or proof of your awesomeness so be sure to document all the accolades you receive so you can have them in your back pocket if need be. Building a case also applies to those sticky situations where you may be having issues with a colleague or even your boss. Keep it all in writing. If you have a meeting where you both agree to certain deliverables and timelines, write a re-cap email and send to the others to document what was agreed upon. Again - if anyone tries to throw you under the bus (and trust me, they will at some point in your career) then you have documentation that you held up your end of the bargain. Cover your bases!

Lesson #3: Performance Reviews are Your Friend

I know many people who are just terrified of performance review time (if they get one at all). Don't run away from it - embrace it! Performance Reviews are not just a time for your boss to decide if you get a merit increase or bonus and assign you some random rating that is supposed to summarize an entire year of effort. They are also YOUR chance to remind your boss of all your accomplishments, additional work you took on during the year and share with them your career aspirations and goals for the upcoming year.

Prepare! Prepare! Prepare! Similar to Lesson #2, you should be updating your goals throughout the year so you will be ready to sum it all up during performance review time. If you aren't having regular 1:1's with your boss, schedule them yourself. Connecting just once a month to discuss current projects, accomplishments, and future workload will help you ensure you are meeting their expectations for you and give you the opportunity to remind them how valuable you are all year long instead of just at the end! And remember that your boss most likely has multiple direct reports and a ton on their own plate so they need the reminder to fully assess your body of work. Don't think of it has bragging but of owning your work. You deserve it!

Lesson #4: Dress For Success

Even though it is almost 2013 there are still some double-standards in the workplace for us as women. You can't win them all so learn to live within it. You have to find a balance with your style in the office - professional but not stuffy or unattractive but cute and classy but not too provocative. It's a tough line ladies. Here is the deal - for the male audience you must find the balance of being attractive enough for them to pay attention to you but not too attractive that they are distracted by you and don't respect you. For your female colleagues - you have to be attractive and polished enough to earn their respect as a fellow woman but not too attractive or pretty to be viewed as threatening and provoke jealousy. Ultimately, what matters most is the level of work you produce and if you sound intelligent and competent when you open your mouth but let's face it, it might take people a while to catch on to what you are saying and respect you professionally if you look like you just climbed down off the stage after working the pole. Keep it classy ladies.

Lesson #5: Junior High Lasts Forever

My Mom used to tell me this all the time as I was growing up. No matter what age you are, you will find yourself in a junior-high-drama scenario every now and then. I think you know this but I'll just say it. Women are catty. It never goes away and you will have days where you just wish you worked with all men so you wouldn't have to "play the game" with the other women in the office. I don't have any real advice here except to not be surprised when you can't understand why your female colleague didn't invite you to lunch yesterday or took your favorite pen. It happens. Deal with it. And try your best to stay out of it. My goal is typically to be cool enough for the "in crowd" to where they like me and I'm not the topic of their gossip but on the outer circle enough to where I'm not involved in the gossiping and back-stabbing and can sleep at night :-)

Lesson #6: The Generation Gap is Real

I recently attended a workshop that focused on the state of the workplace nowadays and it was mind blowing. Historically, this is the first time EVER that we have had this many generations working at the same time - in some organizations there may be up to five generations on one team! I can read the research all day long but let me tell you I have lived this one ladies. Thirty years (hell even 10 years!) can make a BIG difference in how a person communicates and the battle between old school vs. new school ways of thinking is alive and well. Email vs. Phone calls, Excel Files vs. Notes, Online Systems vs. Manual Files  - it's a mess! Not to mention the differing views on vacation, flexible work schedules, blackberry's and dress code. But we all have to come to an agreement to work together and get things done. My best advice here is to always consider your audience. If a more tenured colleague barely ever emails you but typically comes by your desk show them the same courtesy and chances are you will get more from them in that 5-10 minute face-to-face conversation than pinging them every day on email. If your millennial new hire asks for time off around the holidays and then submits a PTO request for three weeks you will need to have a conversation about expectations that you assumed were known by all of your employees. You may have to step outside of YOUR comfort zone to connect with others. Conquer the gap and learn to navigate multi-generational workforce!

Lesson #7: Dipping Your Pen in the Company Ink

Or I suppose for us it is better said as "letting your ink be dipped by the company pen" :-). I can honestly say that I have never engaged in a workplace romance or office fling. Sure I've worked with fun, good-looking men but I've honestly never had a romantic thought about anyone I've worked with and I can't really say whether there hasn't been a connection or whether I am so shut off to the idea that a connection wouldn't happen anyway. So, since I have no experience here I will tell you what I have learned by observation. This is typically not a good plan. I have witnessed a few successful, long-term relationships that started in the cubicles but one half of the couple usually ended up finding other employment fairly early in the relationship to avoid the office romance label. There are just SO many things that can go wrong (secrets, judgement, fights, break ups, etc) and not to mention many companies have a policy against it! I would tread carefully here, make a list of pros vs. cons before engaging in anything with a coworker or perhaps change jobs. But in the end ask yourself - Is it worth it?

Fake Dating = Real Breakup

It was Saturday night and as I found myself text-fighting my ex who I was fake dating (it is a mouthful, right?) I knew it had to end. What I didnt realize about fake dating is to end it requires a real breakup. BOO! Here is how I got into this mess and my warning to you so that you may avoid finding yourself in your very own fake relationship.

So this summer was a busy one for me - a few trips, a lot of social events and increased responsibility at work, therefore, there wasn't a lot of time left for dating. So I did what any woman who finds herself in an empty bed at the end of a busy work day or after a few cocktails - I dipped into my reserves. Well, let's be honest, first I got a new vibrator and THEN I circled back to the old flame. 

Earlier in the year I found myself dating a boy, er, young man, er man who was five years my junior :-). As you know, I'm in my thirties which makes him in his twenties now let's factor in the additional years of maturity or lack thereof that typically separates a man and woman and I'm dating a high school freshman. Haha. I won't get too much into it but we dated for a few months and then mutually ended it as he wasn't ready for a serious, responsible, adult relationship (no he wasn't a player he just wasnt ready to pay his bills on time or stop sneaking free soda at the fountain after he asked for water at restaurants) and I was unwilling to re-live my twenties for the next five years. Been there, done that. We remained friends and had the occasional happy hour or lunch until we re-connected at a fourth of July party and then found ourselves meeting up every few weeks and eventually scheduling weekly dates, not booty calls, but actual dates with dinner, conversation, snuggles and slumber parties. 

If you are like me, it's difficult to date more than one man in any serious way (not booty calls ladies - those still get a green light!) as you become too emotionally invested and you are spendng all your time texting, calling, thinking about and being with this one man! So back to the Saturday night where I was out with my friends and should have been enjoying myself and possibly meeting new prospects but instead am face down in my IPhone text-fighting my ex who I am fake dating. Noooooo! How did I get here? Very quickly and pretty darn easily so beware ladies!

Now for the breakup. As I was preparing for the conversation with my friends as all we all do, an interesting question was posed to me. Did HE know that we were fake dating? Oh crap. Another curveball I did not see coming! Surprise surprise, he did not! He considered us real dating which was more cause for concern about the things we had been fighting about. This boy clearly didn't know what dating was so it confirmed the need to close the curtain on us even moreso. Just like the first time it was the easiest breakup ever (Thank God) as we agreed nothing had changed since last time so we were going no where, however he was very happy with our current relationship (of course he was as there was no accountability or work involved for him) but I declined to continue the fiasco in the making that was our fake relationship. Back to friendship we went.

Moral of the story is: it's okay to do what you gotta do to satisfy a need whether it be a good roll in the hay or some cuddle time on the couch but keep it at arms length, or make that triple arms length as that is what tends to get us in trouble! But BEWARE and dont get yourself too far into something unhealthy or distracting. Be honest with yourself. Own your decisions. And don't settle! You won't change him. If he says he doesn't want a girlfriend, that may be true but more importantly he doesn't want it to be you. He will continue to sleep with you and hang out with you without committing IF you let him.  If he doesn't call, he doesn't want to. In this scenario for me, I wanted more and deserved more from a relationship so I cut the cord and am hopeful to find what's right for me soon. 

Here's to REAL relationships ladies! We can do it!