I don't get it.
Recently, some girlfriends and I (shout out Jessi & Laura) were discussing the unsolicited dating advice that we receive what seems like daily from friends, parents, coworkers, random people we meet in line at Target or in the bathroom at the bar, etc. and realized that it is all so contradictory no wonder we are still single!
Exhibit #1
I am not supposed to be looking but I am supposed to be out there. Huh? First of all, where is there? The bar, social clubs, the internet? I am still not sure exactly where there is but I do know it definitely is NOT your couch. So, I am out there but now I am not supposed to look? Picture me at a bar stool at a hip uptown spot on a Saturday night with my head down and hand over my eyes thinking "pick me! pick me!". I am out there but not looking, right? How does this help me? It doesn't unless a new form of peacocking is posing as a lunatic.
Exhibit #2
It will happen when you least expect it but you have to be open to it. Eh? Assuming in this scenario it is referring to love then love will happen when you least expect love but you have to be open to love. Do you see how this is confusing? How can I be open to something that I'm not supposed to think about happening? If I am open to it then I expect it on some level so this makes no sense.
Exhibit #3
You have to love yourself before someone else can love you. If I hear this one, or any of the other versions like you have to be happy by yourself before you can find happiness with someone else, etc. one more time I will put my finger my own eyeball. And maybe the person who said it to me as well. I'm 32 years old. I know myself. I love myself. I'm ready. Moving on...
Exhibit #4
Don't be too picky but don't settle. I understand the sentiment behind this one but it is still contradictory when every guy you date is under the microscope and if you continue dating the 26 year old because you "didn't want to judge him just based on age" but then you are judged because he owns a bong and his idea of a nice dinner date is happy hour at Macaroni Grill. Which is it people? To write him off initially was being too picky but now I'm apparently settling. I give up.
Exhibit #4
Let the guy make the first move. But you have to let him know you are interested. If I let him know I am interested doesn't that mean I'm making the first move? This is so confusing. I am a fan of the traditional dating rules where the dude pursues the lady but we no longer live in the days where a boy asked if he could call you and then looked up your number in the phone book. No, in these modern times there are countless way to communicate, many having nothing to do with a phone number! Text, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter and I'm sure there is another social media site being created as I type, are all credible options to communicate and flirt with the opposite sex. Point is, is Facebook friending someone a proclamation of love? The answer is simple: Sometimes. haha. Fooled ya. Anyway, this one is tough but I will say just don't be a bitch and follow the rule of three. Meaning, be nice to him and not standofish as to intimidate or disinterest him and if you have communicated in any of the ways above with a guy twice and he has not initiated a convo with his own flirty text or funny pic then DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT, text, chat, message, whatever a third time. Wait it out sistas. And the truth will prevail. At the end of the day, boys don't do anything they don't want to do. And if they want to see you, talk to you or ask you out. They will. Hold tight.
Exhibit #5
Don't have a checklist but know what you want. And contradiction strikes again. Apparently, we should not be comparing our dates and prospects via a checklist such has he MUST be over 6ft, dark hair, own a house, work in Finance, parents still together, no kids, not crazy, etc. However, if you just go at dating all willy nilly with no deal breakers or must haves then you may find yourself in a relationship for two years with the wrong guy! Perhaps we should know what we want but keep it in non-list format in our heads and agree never to write it down. Then it is just random thoughts and feelings floating freely in our brains and when we start dating someone they will magically appear at the forefront of our minds, but not as a list, and that is how we can decide if moving forward with a special someone has long-term potential. Make sense? I know, it doesn't to me either. It was my best shot.
Exhibit #6
Get involved but leave time for dating. This one is such a lose/lose. Many of my friends are very involved in the Dallas community whether it be volunteering, social or networking groups, sports leagues, church, etc. But then when you meet someone and start dating you become that girl who says "yeah, it looks like I am free two weeks from Tuesday" because you have booked yourself up with your own stuff to stay busy and "put yourself out there" that your new dude thinks you a) party too much or b) are not available. But on the flip side if you don't stay busy then you and your couch start spending way too much time together and you end up as the crazy cat lady. There must be a balance, no? #singlegirlproblems.
We decided the moral of this story is we should just live and see what happens. Best of luck ladies!
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