"The marathon is a charismatic event. It has everything. It has drama. It has competition. It has camaraderie. It has heroism. Every runner can't dream of being an Olympic champion, but they can dream of finishing a marathon."
4 hours. 23 minutes. 41 seconds.
On December 5, 2010 I ran my first, and for now, only marathon in 4 hours, 23 minutes, and 41 seconds. 26.2 miles without any stops, injuries, or major dramas. 19 weeks, 4.5 months of training and preparation. 3 pairs of running shoes. 100’s of dollars spent on said shoes, socks, clothes, body glide, Garmin watch, Vaseline, Cliff bars, GU, camel pak, and various other running accessories. 72 training runs. 1 ice bath. 1 sick week. A significant decrease in social activity and alcohol consumption alongside an increase in carbohydrates intake. 4 hours, 23 minutes, and 41 seconds of pure running. 1 day, 1 race, 1 body, 1 mind. This is the story of my journey to the 2010 White Rock Marathon.
WHY?
To start this story you have to know what type of person I am. I am very goal-oriented individual who is cheesy enough to sit down at the beginning of each year and write personal and professional goals for myself. In 2010, these included things like Volunteer, Find a Church, Get a New Job, and Run a Marathon. I put my limited arts & crafts skills to work and created what I called my 2010 Vision Board (yes, idea stolen straight from an episode on Oprah). During that episode, people talked about the power of seeing your goals every day, right there in front of your face, and how that can truly help to inspire you to reach for them on a day-to-day basis. Well, it sounded cheesy to me but I decided I was turning 30 this year and had nothing to lose so I tried it. And let me tell you my friends, it does indeed work. I have probably accomplished 75% or more of the goals I set for 2010. Some were more specific than others but either way I accomplished much of what I set out to do and have enriched my life quite a bit since 2009. One of those goals was indeed-Run a Marathon. Now, let's get back to that story.
"The marathon's about being in contention over the last 10K. That's when it's about what you have in your core. You have run all the strength, all the superficial fitness out of yourself, and it really comes down to what's left inside you. To be able to draw deep and pull something out of yourself is one of the most tremendous things about the marathon."
My good friend Jennifer Green ran her first marathon the summer of 2009 and we were all impressed. We were impressed but not as IMPRESSED as I now realize we should have been. Jennifer lived in North Carolina at the time so we didn't get to experience the training process or race day with her which can add a lot to a non-marathon runner’s perspective on the event. Anyway, she inspired me to try for one of my own and said she would train with me when she moved back to Dallas. She had been an athlete growing up, as was I, so she was sure I could do it. I figured this had to be the best way to take something like this on, a partner, someone who had been down this long road before, to be there with me through it all and give me advice along the way. It was a perfect plan indeed until Jennifer became injured about halfway through our training and I had to decide if I would continue the journey alone. At that point, I had already been bitten by the running bug so I knew I was going to try but I also knew I had big mileages ahead of me and wondered if I could do those, as well as the race, alone!
THE TRAINING
Despite my concerns, I forged ahead. I stuck to my training plan (which we found online) religiously and really rested and prepared for my long runs. I believe my discipline partnered with some luck paid off as my training went very, very smoothly. I figured out the tricks early on to prevent blisters and chaffing, tested clothes and accessories to see what worked for me, and completely re-arranged my life and let my social life take a back seat for a while to focus on running. With that said, I approached this process like I do just about everything in my life so I educated myself immensely. I read blogs, magazines, online articles, and talked to many a marathon runner so that I would know all my options and find the best fit for me, my body, and the race I wanted to run. At times it was overwhelming as everyone has a different opinion, but at the end of the day it is your mind and your body who will be with you on race day so you have to listen to it to get your answers. I found long runs fun (yes, I said fun), relaxing, energizing, and rewarding. I got REALLY close with my music library and became very comfortable with spending quite a bit of time alone with my own thoughts which I used to mentally prepare. I also became very in tune with my body. What to wear, what to eat, what to drink, how to stretch, etc and watched it adjust and change over time. The entire process was very enlightening.
So, in my training plan my last long run was 20 miles. There are a lot of different training plans and most have your last long run be AT LEAST a 20 miler if not more. I highly suggest this as this was the only run that gave me a sneak peak physically and mentally to how race day would be. The last few miles were tough (which you will notice as you train that no matter if you are running 6 miles or 16, the last few miles as you approach the end are always the toughest) but it was post-run where things got weird. Immediately after stopping, my legs charged with pain. Shooting pain began in my hips which then slowly spread to my knees, then ankles, feet and back up again. This went on for about 10 excruciating minutes and I was in serious pain. My head was also in a strange place as I was very emotional, light headed, and had trouble "coming back down to earth" in a sense. After a nice ice bath (yes, this means what it says. Sitting in bathtub filled with ice and water), some Gatorade, and food I was feeling great and had heels on that evening and danced the night away. All things considered, the bad part only lasted a few short minutes but that was only at 20 miles, what would 26 be like? That question was definitely on my mind. And even though that was a sneak peak into the last leg of the marathon, I had still never met the infamous "Wall". For those of you who don’t know, "the wall" is something that runners talk about all the time. It cannot really be described to a non-runner but is basically the place where you question continuing, whether it is because of your body or your mind. And it can be quite a battle to overcome. During my entire training, I had never met "the wall" and wondered if I might be so lucky to avoid it completely. More on that later....
"Learn to run when feeling the pain: then push harder."
The weeks leading up to the race were interesting as you are running significantly LESS than you have been for the past five months. Runners call this period tapering. Your muscles need time to repair and rebuild from your last long training run and then rest for your big run on race day. I reacted exactly as I read that I would: I was ancy, my legs were literally restless, I was nervous and questioned how much I was, or I guess the right word is wasn’t running, and fought the urge to run further and faster during my last training runs. I realized how dependent my mind and body had become on running. I missed it. I craved it. And although you would think your body would welcome those weeks of shorter runs and less time committed to running, you don't. You ache to be out there every day. BUT one of the biggest mistakes you can make as a runner is to give in to those feelings. You are feeling exactly how you are supposed to so you can save up and channel all that energy on race day.
PRE-RACE
The days immediately before race day are interesting as well. You are told to increase your carbohydrate intake by 70% and dial back the fiber which is quite difficult for those of us that eat a fairly balanced meal that goes easy on the carbs and heavy on the veggies. So, you are forced to eat really heavy while not being able to run. Sounds fun, right? Not. You are also drinking so much water and electrolytes (I was given a goal by a friend to get my urine clear. Now, if that isn't a goal then I don't know what is) that you think you might float away and are spending significantly more time in the bathroom. So, all in all, those few days pre-race are just weird. Did I mention that your legs are jittery and aching for any kind of activity which you cannot give them? Yeah, that is fun too. Oh, and your mind starts playing games of its own as well. I had a nightmare a few days before my race that for my marathon there were no water stations but we were made to go inside people's homes to get drinks and they were telling us to sit down and offering us chocolate chip cookies for fuel. And the course had no signs so you were on your own so with all that going on I was just getting to mile 12 as it was getting dark outside. Now that was a nightmare for sure.
So, onto race day. That is what everyone wants to know about right? Race day. I was able to get a good night sleep and was amped and ready the day of. My friend Wendy, this race was her sixth marathon, was in town and staying with me so we were able to share in all this together. Jennifer dropped us off that morning (which was a God-send because it was crazy down there) and we tried to stay warm, get to the bathroom for one last stop before the start, and stretch really well. It was during the stretch that I became aware of my one and only race day blunder. So I mentioned that I had gone through 3 pairs of shoes. This is typical when training for a long race as your shoes can only handle about 300 miles until they become dead-meaning little or no support or traction. Therefore, you specifically time rotating in new pairs of shoes after you reach a certain mileage so you can always have a supportive shoe. Therefore, I was on my phase 3 shoes, ready to go, and noticed that fateful morning of the race that I actually had on one phase 3 shoe and one phase 2 shoe. Yes, they are exactly the same shoe but they weren't a "pair". I was FREAKING out and immediately started checking to see if I could tell the difference. It was too late to get my other shoe so I had to just go with it and in rationalizing the situation I found that the traction was identical on both and the phase 2 shoes had only run a few more miles than the phase 3 shoes. My phases 2’s were by no means dead when I rotated them out so I would be okay. And I definitely forgot about this entire situation about mile 2 and never looked back. And never felt any difference in my feet. Luck was definitely on my side. And yes, that is pretty much the stupidest thing any first time marathoner could do. And I did it. Anyone surprised?
On your mark. Get set. Go. THE RACE!
Race day was cold. Really cold for Texas. 30 degrees cold. Now, running in the cold doesn't really bother me because I had trained a little in it but it does cause quite a dilemma on what to wear. You have to layer just right so that you are warm enough to keep your legs and body warmed up but not too warm where you could sweat, become wet, and then become cold again. So, you typically plan a moving striptease while you run and discard random items like shirts, hats, gloves, etc on the side of the road. So, planning your wardrobe is quite a science. Again running in the cold, not that big of a deal, but standing at the starting line waiting for 45 minutes in the cold is a big deal and is exactly what I had to do. Needless to say, my feet were numb for 2 miles and my legs didn't completely warm up for about two hours. Not ideal conditions but I got through it.
So, let’s break this down. When you train for a race this long, you typically train at a steady pace which is important because you don’t want to stall out in your last leg. However, on race day they tell you that you should hold back and run a slower pace for at least the first 2 miles to warm your body up and prevent you from getting caught up in the excitement of the starting line. Now, this is extremely difficult to do. Remember how ancy you are feeling? How your legs are aching for a run? Not to mention all the excitement and energy from the crowd. And then you have to reel them in and tell them to take it slow when they want to burst out of the holding gate like a horse at the Kentucky Derby! I mentally prepared for this and it was still difficult to watch runner by runner pass me by while I trotted along at a pace that felt like molasses. But once I hit 2 miles I set them free and settled into my pace. During training I always found that I didn’t really settle in until about 4-5 miles and then it was smooth sailing. This was no different for race day so I enjoyed the scenery, my music, and the creative signs of the spectators.
"Runners should divide the race into thirds. Run the first part with your head, the middle part with your personality, and the last part with your heart."
How do you sustain 26.2 miles and 4 plus hours of running without being hungry? Well, you don’t. Your pre-race meal is important and should be packed with carbs and protein. My pre-run ritual was a Peanut Butter Crunch Cliff Bar with some fruit. During the run, I had grown accustomed to shooting GU (a gooey substance filled with electrolytes, basically Gatorade in a solid form) every 5 miles as they tell you that you need to re-fuel every 45-60 minutes. I used safety pins to pin my GU packets to the waistband of my leggings for easy access during the race. In the case of race day, there were more appetizing food options like orange slices, bananas, and protein bars offered alongside some water stops or by generous spectators or in my case my friends and family brought me a bagel at mile 15 per my request and I chomped on a quarter of that while running. However, while it is okay to partake is some of these tastier options you should still stick to your regular regimen to avoid any unwelcome reactions from your body. And never let yourself get hungry. If you do, you’ll stall out and it is near impossible to get your juice back at that point.
Back to the race. So I felt great from 10 miles to 20 miles. I mean fantastic. I was happy, positive, no signs of “the wall”, and wanted to speed up and kick it up a notch. Again, I resisted the urge as I learned the hard way when I ran my first half too fast during my 20 mile training run. So, I stayed put at my comfortable pace and made myself a deal that if I still had juice left after the 20 mile mark I could break loose. About mile 18 I came up behind a woman pretty close to my age cruising along with one good leg and one prosthetic leg. This blew my mind. I was so humbled in that moment and told myself, “now if SHE can do this, than I better do this”. I was so blown away by her commitment and perseverance and couldn’t imagine what she must be feeling at mile 18. I have no doubt that was an eye opener for every runner that came upon her as well.
"The marathon can humble you."
I’d been lucky enough to have a slew of family and friends along the race route to look forward to seeing at certain spots and to boost my energy level each time I saw them. My last time to see them before the finish line was mile 20 and I was excited. We mapped out where they would be beforehand so as I approached a meeting spot (which were miles 8, 15, and 20) I would turn off my IPod and start surveying the crowd for their friendly faces. Once I spotted them, I would throw up my arms and break from the crowd in their direction. Upon seeing me approaching them, they too would throw their hands, scream and yell encouraging words to me, high five me, all with the biggest smiles in the world on their faces! I am trying not to let those moments slip away as they were truly amazing and I’ve never felt more loved and supported. I felt unbelievable as I approached them at the 20 mile mark and I told them so. At each reunion, Jennifer would run next to me for a half a mile and get the “scoop” to report back to everyone. She did wait until after the race to tell me about our last meeting at 20. She said although I felt great that I looked like hell. I had “crazy eyes”, my face and lips were beet red and dry from wind burn and my face was covered in snot. Haha! Hey, at least I felt great but I’m glad there wasn’t a photo op at that moment!
"There is a moment in every race. A moment where you can either quit, fold, or say to yourself, 'I can do this.'"
So, 20 was awesome and then we hit the Dolly Parton hills which I remember thinking was just a mean trick at that point in the race and they were tough. Things started becoming a little more difficult but I kicked up my speed anyhow. Although my feet had been aching since mile 14 or so, which is completely normal and you’ve trained so you learn to blow it off, they were really starting to feel pain about mile 22. Each step was like slamming my feet onto a bed of nails. Sharp, excruciating pain at Every.Single.Step. It was unlike anything I’ve ever felt. So we’ve established that my feet felt like my shoes were filling up with blood but how were my legs? They were very tired but they were also on autopilot. I was still maintaining my above pace speed and literally thought to myself “I’m not telling my legs to move but they just are-it is like they are on autopilot”. Again, this is where good training comes into play as your legs ARE on autopilot.
"If you feel bad at 10 miles, you're in trouble. If you feel bad at 20 miles, you're normal. If you don't feel bad at 26 miles, you're abnormal.”
About that time I believe I had my first encounter with “the wall”. Mine appeared in the mental form as a little devil on my shoulder. My mind started racing….”whose idea was a marathon anyway? Who invented this stupid race? This is SO dumb. Seriously, look at all of us dumb people out here running 26.2 miles which is ridiculous. That person stopped, you can stop. You can just rest a little bit. You aren’t trying to win or anything. Who will know if you stop?” You get an idea of what I was dealing with. I had read enough and heard enough about this moment that I was prepared and used what will and mental strength I had left to shut those thoughts down and keep moving. I will say that the majority of the marathon is very inspiring and full of energy. Not the last leg. People are dropping like flies and it feels more like a death march. So, you can see how my little devil friend’s comments might seem relative at the time? I would say ‘the wall” lasted from about mile 22 to 25 for me. Once I hit 25 I told myself “Just one more mile!” and forged ahead. I will say that the .2 after you’ve reached 26 and can see the finish line in your near future is indeed the LONGEST portion of the entire race. My family and friends were lining the finish line but I hardly saw them as I was in a zone so focused it could not be disturbed. They say I looked like a different girl than I did at 20, just as focused and running with smooth strides, but beaten down, tired, and glassy eyed.
"The body does not want you to do this. As you run, it tells you to stop but the mind must be strong. You always go too far for your body. You must handle the pain with strategy...It is not age; it is not diet. It is the will to succeed."
The Finish! I’d read a lot about savoring the moment you cross the finish line and to be photo ready and not staring at your Garmin or slumping over your legs so I embraced it! Once it was over I felt a huge wave of relief and then a huge wave of pain. You can barely walk after such a sudden stop so volunteers are there to help hold you up, guide you to the post-race area, and help warm you back up. Seriously, the finish line of a marathon just looks like a bunch of zombies hobbling around. My vision was blurry and I was extremely emotional and out of it. It really felt like I was high as I had that feeling of being disconnected from my body and reality altogether. Once I shuffled through the post-race motions of receiving my medal, getting my Finisher shirt, and downing some water I stumbled back outside to try to locate my family in the mess of people. Still feeling quite groggy, I tried to remember where they had said to meet them and just about that time I heard a “there she is!” and turned to see my Dad immediately followed by my Mom, Sister, and best friends. They rushed towards me and when I hugged my parents I began to cry. It wasn’t a cry of sadness or pain or one of happiness but one of heightened emotion and relief. They all began to cry as well and we stood there together crying and basking in the finish of a long day for all of us.
"I've learned that finishing a marathon isn't just an athletic achievement. It's a state of mind; a state of mind that says anything is possible."
POST-RACE
The rest of the day was perfect. We celebrated (I showered-haha!) and I felt so blessed for everyone in my life and unbelievably loved. The amount of support I received from those who were there with me, via phone calls and texts, Facebook posts, and silent prayers was unbelievable and unforgettable. I have never felt more loved. At the end of the day I said “my legs are tired but my heart is full” and I hope I remember the way that day felt forever.
So, what now? Recovery is the least fun part of this process. Even “the wall” is a challenge you get to overcome but the recovery, the aching pains of the days to follow the race, just plain suck. It is currently Day 3 post-race and today is my first day to wear real shoes (although they are flats but that is still a step!) and not look like a complete lunatic or old woman when I walk. Each step still brings pangs of discomfort but I think the feeling is moving from excruciating pain to just being sore. I’m bathing in Epsom salt, stretching, and covering my legs in muscle relief creams nightly, and had a post-race massage and reflexology to help with the lactic acid and blood flow but ultimately I think it just takes time to heal.
Mentally, I feel a bit like I’ve just gone through a break up. I haven’t put away my running stuff or my bag from race day. I haven’t even washed my marathon clothes yet and my running schedule is still up on the refrigerator. The thought of throwing out my shoes and starting over makes me sad. I wasn’t completely prepared for the postpartum feelings after a race but now I’m reading a lot about it. Most runners go through an emotional downtime immediately following a big race but they say the key is to set new goals immediately. No, that doesn’t necessarily mean another marathon but some sort of running goal to set you up to maximize your physical state. After training for a marathon, your body is in great physical health so it would be quite a waste if once the race was over we did nothing now wouldn’t it?
"You have to forget your last marathon before you try another. Your mind can't know what's coming."
So, will I do another marathon? Every single person I have spoken too post-race has asked me this and right now I can’t commit to anything. Although, I have considered a fun goal of five half-marathons in 2011 so you never know. I can say that the entire experience was unlike anything I’ve ever been through and I have emerged a changed person. Marathoners run because they can’t get enough of the game, particularly the last leg of the race and those battles with “the wall” that test their physical strength and mental will. I’m not sure yet if I’ll succumb to another one yet but I’ll never say never.
Thanks again to everyone who supported me through this journey and who believed that I could do it. I am starting off 30 and ending 2010 in an amazing place and am excited for what the future has to bring, marathon or no marathon.
"You can never be sure. That's what makes the marathon both fearsome and fascinating. The deeper you go into the unknown, the more uncertain you become. But then you finish. And you wonder later, 'How did I do that?' This question compels you to keep making the journey from the usual to the magical."
Jessica Cavett
December 5, 2010
Bib #5537
4hr 23 min 41 sec
