If you are a SATC fan then you recognize the title of this post. Charlotte's rant about being tired of dating has become all to familiar to me lately. Yes, dating can be very fun and exciting and I'm sure my friends are appreciative of the stories I bring back from some of my dating disasters as dating can be quite entertaining as well. But if you are really looking for love - it's freaking exhausting!
I thought I'd use this post to highlight some of my most interesting and I guess you could say memorable dating experiences. Enjoy!
Doogie Howser
I met Doogie (not his real name but I love nicknames) online. Seemed nice enough and we chatted for a while and when I got very sick while we were still in the chatting phase he even called in a Zpac and prescription cough drops for me which was a lifesaver. Once we got on the date it was a disaster. This kid was SO into himself. He told me not one, not two, but THREE stories about how he "almost died". Who has that many near-death experience? It was a little bit of overkill. Then when he learned I had skipped second grade he tried to one up me and said his parents wanted him to skip 1st-4th grade. I laughed of course and mumbled "okay Doogie" and when I looked up at him he was dead serious. Needless to say I was ready to get the H out of there. I did and when he stalker texted me the next day I gave him my obligitory "Nice to meet you but I just don't think the chemistry is there. Good luck to you!" in which he replied "Well, I didn't feel anything either but just thought I would give it one more chance". Nice buddy but no dice. Peace out.
No Dinner For You
This was another online guy and he was actually a really sweet guy. The problem occured on Date #3. Let me preface this by saying that the other dates were fine, but just fine, I wasn't really feeling much chemistry with him but since he was a good guy I wanted to give it a chance. Date #3 was a Rangers game which was a super fun idea. We met at a bar beforehand for some drinks and then drove over to the stadium together. We met at about 5pm so I assumed we would be eating at the game. Was I wrong! Inning 3 turnes to Inning 5 turns to Inning 7 and there has been no mention of food! Now, I'm not opposed to just getting something on my own but he was buying all the beers and it just seemed weird. It seemed even weirder when he returned with peanuts and proceeded to sit there and eat the whole thing without EVER offering me any! If you know me, I can get grumpy when I am really hungry so this was not good. Needless to say, I didn't go out with him again. Mama needs to be fed!
Whoops. I'm Married
This was a disaster and a half. I met this guy at a wedding. We were both in it as he was a good friend of the Grooms and I was the Maid of Honor. We all knew he was recently divorced and didn't exactly have the greatest track record but he was very intriguing and showing interest so I said why not? We dated for a few months - there was much drama that transpired as this guy's life was all over the place - but I wasn't taking things too seriously so no biggie. Come to find out, actually by the Groom after some digging, he was STILL MARRIED! Apparently, they weren't "together" and he had moved out but there had been no movements toward divorce. When confronted, he said he thought he would share that with me when we got more serious. HA. I reminded him that he took away my choice to not date a married man! It was done at that moment and the man still acted stupified when I asked if he was legally separated. I believe his words were "What's that". Seriously. So apparenly now I can add the mistress knotch on my belt. Dammit.
Strip Club Cowboy
Another online dating disaster. This guy worked for the Cowboys which I will admit was part of the intrigue to meeting him. First off, he did NOT look like his pictures which is always a little alarming but I was going to give it a chance. So yes it was cool that he worked for the Cowboys and boy did he think so. He was incredibly cocky and the icing on the cake was when he told me he was the type of guy that liked to be "texting his girl while at the titty bar". True story. Apparently, his travels with the Cowboys take him to many a strip club so I assume this was his attempt into telling me what a loyal boyfriend he could be. Gross. The date ended shortly thereafter. Save those texts for some other girl Cowboy.
Sextaholic
This was a guy where I thought I'd handled things really well. We talked for a long, long time and finally went on a date. It was fantastic - he was a gentleman, we had great conversation, a top night. Things started to slow down after that until he started dropping hints that he wanted to heat things up a little in our texts. Now, I've dabbled in sexting but typically with someone I was dating and had experiences with so I found sexting someone I hadn't even kissed a bit odd - almost online chat room creepy - but I tried. If only Fifty Shades of Gray had been out as perhaps Christian & Ana would have given me some confidence :-). So I tried and was never really comfortable with it but I could tell he liked it. Then one Friday, I'm driving along and hear my phone go off. I pick it up (at a stoplight of course) to see something I was not prepared to see. Sextaholic had sent an unsolicited picture of himself making a what I'm sure he thought was sexy but I viewed as more To Catch A Predator face, his shirt lifted and his little friend was the main attraction. I was APPALLED. I know this is a thing for some people and I am all for you and your sexual freedom but it completely freaked me out and I threw my phone across the car in shock. When I told him I was not into the sexting his reply was simple: "Yeah, I could always tell you were a good girl and that is not really what I'm looking for right now. I just don't have the desire to be romantic, caring or loving right now." WOW. Now, I don't have a problem with someone just wanting to have fun being single but I take issue with you trying to woo me for two months, being all sweet and romantic, and then you flip a switch and it's like we are living in a porno. No thanks buddy. You go do you and I'll stick to smiley face texts instead of penis pics.
Facebook Stalker
I'm sure you can relate. You get a random friend request on FaceBook and aren't exactly who the person is but then you see that you are mutual friends with a few people and think perhaps you met briefly at a bar or party once so you "Accept" and become Friends. This has happened to me multiple times and is always very innocent but I'll think twice next time and maybe you will too after you hear this story. FB Stalker told me we had met at a bar once - he said I looked really familiar. I did my background check with our mutual friends and they went to high school with him but don't really know him anymore but they said he was a normal, decent guy. We chatted for a while on FB and then the phone and eventually went on a date. He was very nice, complimentary, etc. but after date #1 I wasn't sure there was any chemistry but would consider giving him another chance. During the week of our second date some things started bothering me - when he would call I would answer and he would be in the middle of a conversation with someone else at work or something. I'd sit there saying his name and "hello?" and then he would laugh and say "Oh, I'm sorry, hey!". I would think to myself YOU called ME, remember? It happened every single time he called and was annoying and quite honestly rude. It was like he was trying to come off as super cool and busy. Fast forward to date #2. Dinner. To sum it up - decent conversation, he forgot his wallet so I PAID, and then he gave me an awkward side hug. Okay buddy, you are done. So as we are ending it he is asking me about my weekend plans and I tell him that I am literally booked up (which is true - crazy, busy weekend). I even tell him the specifics - arts event with my girlfriends Friday night, birthday party in Frisco during the day and probably into the evening on Saturday, and Sunday plans as well. I tell him we can talk after the weekend. Friday night I'm out with my girlfriends and I see I have a voicemail - "Hey, it's me. Just seeing what you were up to. I'm in your neighborhood and thought I could stop by". Hello? Does he not remember I'm out with my girlfriends. I TOLD him what I was doing. Annoying! So I text back and say just that - "remember, out with my friends tonight. Have a good one." I'm enjoying my tea on my couch Saturday morning when my phone rings and it is him....AGAIN. Let me also tell you it is 8:30am. Another VM - "Hey, it's me. Just wondering if you wanted to hang out today. It's so nice, we could get lunch and go play golf. Blah Blah Blah". Again I'm wondering if the man listened to anything I said the other night. I had plans ALL DAY. Annoying x2. This continued all day with him calling me non-stop every few hours, which I ignored, and then again on Sunday. Stalker, what? I then had to send him my standard thanks but no thanks text message and end it. In my few encounters with him I asked him more questions about where we met and how we knew each other and now I'm fairly certain we did not know each other in any way, shape or form. So beware ladies - that seemingly harmless guy who wants to be your "Friend" may not know you at all and may use FB as a way to scope out pretty girls. This is my warning to you! Full background checks required for all Friend Requests :-).
Now if you aren't exhausted after reading this then you must qualify as an Olympian dater. Yes, I'm exhausted but they make for good stories and you gotta kiss (or sext) alot of frogs before you find your Prince!
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