It was Saturday night and as I found myself text-fighting my ex who I was fake dating (it is a mouthful, right?) I knew it had to end. What I didnt realize about fake dating is to end it requires a real breakup. BOO! Here is how I got into this mess and my warning to you so that you may avoid finding yourself in your very own fake relationship.
So this summer was a busy one for me - a few trips, a lot of social events and increased responsibility at work, therefore, there wasn't a lot of time left for dating. So I did what any woman who finds herself in an empty bed at the end of a busy work day or after a few cocktails - I dipped into my reserves. Well, let's be honest, first I got a new vibrator and THEN I circled back to the old flame.
Earlier in the year I found myself dating a boy, er, young man, er man who was five years my junior :-). As you know, I'm in my thirties which makes him in his twenties now let's factor in the additional years of maturity or lack thereof that typically separates a man and woman and I'm dating a high school freshman. Haha. I won't get too much into it but we dated for a few months and then mutually ended it as he wasn't ready for a serious, responsible, adult relationship (no he wasn't a player he just wasnt ready to pay his bills on time or stop sneaking free soda at the fountain after he asked for water at restaurants) and I was unwilling to re-live my twenties for the next five years. Been there, done that. We remained friends and had the occasional happy hour or lunch until we re-connected at a fourth of July party and then found ourselves meeting up every few weeks and eventually scheduling weekly dates, not booty calls, but actual dates with dinner, conversation, snuggles and slumber parties.
If you are like me, it's difficult to date more than one man in any serious way (not booty calls ladies - those still get a green light!) as you become too emotionally invested and you are spendng all your time texting, calling, thinking about and being with this one man! So back to the Saturday night where I was out with my friends and should have been enjoying myself and possibly meeting new prospects but instead am face down in my IPhone text-fighting my ex who I am fake dating. Noooooo! How did I get here? Very quickly and pretty darn easily so beware ladies!
Now for the breakup. As I was preparing for the conversation with my friends as all we all do, an interesting question was posed to me. Did HE know that we were fake dating? Oh crap. Another curveball I did not see coming! Surprise surprise, he did not! He considered us real dating which was more cause for concern about the things we had been fighting about. This boy clearly didn't know what dating was so it confirmed the need to close the curtain on us even moreso. Just like the first time it was the easiest breakup ever (Thank God) as we agreed nothing had changed since last time so we were going no where, however he was very happy with our current relationship (of course he was as there was no accountability or work involved for him) but I declined to continue the fiasco in the making that was our fake relationship. Back to friendship we went.
Moral of the story is: it's okay to do what you gotta do to satisfy a need whether it be a good roll in the hay or some cuddle time on the couch but keep it at arms length, or make that triple arms length as that is what tends to get us in trouble! But BEWARE and dont get yourself too far into something unhealthy or distracting. Be honest with yourself. Own your decisions. And don't settle! You won't change him. If he says he doesn't want a girlfriend, that may be true but more importantly he doesn't want it to be you. He will continue to sleep with you and hang out with you without committing IF you let him. If he doesn't call, he doesn't want to. In this scenario for me, I wanted more and deserved more from a relationship so I cut the cord and am hopeful to find what's right for me soon.
Here's to REAL relationships ladies! We can do it!
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