Life Would Just Be Easier with a Boyfriend

To preface this story, this is the post-wedding single bridesmaid vent that I'm sure we have all done at some point. It is in no way meant to disrespect any of my wonderful, beautiful friends weddings that I have been SO very blessed to be a part of and would not trade for the world! Please know I am always honored to stand by a friend on her biggest day! And I know they will do the same for me one day! This wedding totally rocked by the way.

 

As many of my fellow ladies will agree, I've become quite skilled in the role of bridesmaid and celebrating others life choices (more on this later) but as I'm getting older I find the single pool at these functions to be shrinking by the minute. I had to recap a recent wedding I was in where it proved to be a weekend of reminders of how life would just be more simple with a boyfriend (please note the tongue and cheek humor of this blog title) so I just had to share.

• Even numbers are the norm. Yes, on Friday night at the rehearsal dinner I was forced to drag a chair across a crowded dining room and to pull up and squeeze myself into a spot for a four top to sit with two couples who took pity on me since there were no “odd” tables. I hope no one minded having a table leg in between their legs during dinner
• Having to tell the spray tan girl, nail girl, hair girls and makeup guy that "No, I was not married, did not have a boyfriend and would be attending the wedding alone".
• Why did the wedding planner/organizer put me with the shortest groomsman? Seriously? I was the second tallest girl in the wedding party and there were five boys over six feet tall but I get the 5’ 8” guy. WTF. Throw me a bone here!
• We were allowed to choose our own dresses and I ended up with the only one like mine (score!) and don't get me wrong it was really cute but my sister pointed out after the wedding that mine was by far the shortest of all the other girls (oops - point deducted). Great, not only am I the only single one but now apparently I've dressed like a hoochie mama. Add that to the list - hoochie mama bridesmaid. Geez.
• I was desperately begging my sister to please stay and not leave the wedding as I wouldn’t have anyone to dance with because she was my dance partner – haha. Actually, a lot of people danced so it was way fun but the Cavett sisters know how to break it down.
• Avoiding the bride's crazy aunt (love ya FeFe) who asked me at the shower if I was married and when I said no looked at me with disgust and asked if I was “at least going with someone”. I just didn’t have the heart to tell her no this time so I avoided her.
• Since I was the only “single” bridesmaid I could not have my boyfriend/husband drop me off Saturday morning to get ready so therefore I was the only one with a car so was then forced into having to take my car to the venue (which I did not want to do), move it from the venue after the wedding to the bar (which I really didn’t want to do especially since the bar is called “The Double Wide” and is actually a doublewide trailer turned into a bar and is in a really sketchy part of town), and leave it overnight where someone hoodlum thought it would be funny to let the air out of my tires which was a lovely surprise when my sister drove me to my car the following morning.
• Per the story above, since I had no boyfriend/husband to help with the aforementioned situation I was forced to be resourceful and looked up options on Auto Zone online, talked to a very nice man named Jose at the Auto Zone in the ghetto by the bar (where the aisle names and descriptions are listed in Spanish as well as English), and bought myself a tire air compressor and new tire valve caps and spent 30 minutes in the rain and mud pumping my tires back up. And turns out the hoodlum actually poked nails in my tires which caused me to spend two lovely afternoons that week at the local Discount Tire buying new tires. Silver lining - theboys at the tire shop were very nice and paid attention to me. haha.

 

In all honestly, I threw a pity party for myself on Thursday and Friday but Saturday was actually a great day and the wedding was SUPER fun. I did meet a single boy at the end of the wedding on the dance floor (who knew?) who was very fun and nice and we were up until 5am making out after the bar (PG ladies…I kept it classy…and by classy I mean that my hair extensions and fake eyelashes may have been falling off by the end of it all. No really, all clothes stayed on J). He actually texted me the next day to check if I needed a ride to my car - who said chivalry was gone!